Let's get STAH-TED

Welcome back to Year II of the SEC Expats. Since we're all starting fresh and lovey-dovey, we'll resist calling our recap of the off-season The Red Underwear Diaries.

Ooops.

Let's all agree, and as civilly as inter-conference invective allows, that a lot has happened since Nick Saban almost smiled while hoisting the BCS Championship in Pasadena in January.

For starters, Lane Kiffin rolled out of Knoxville. Let's give Romper Room credit for one thing. In a nation that can't agree on anything, Kiffin can be a unifying force. Given a little more time, he will become the most despised man in America. This guy has real juice. After a single year in Knoxville, he single-handedly rehabilitated Phil Fulmer.

Want to know how much the loss to Alabama hurt? Tim Tebow didn't cry after his rookie, training-camp haircut, that's how much.

In Mississippi, which is big on traditions, it's good to see that Houston Nutt stuck to true self and again showed he'll do just about anything to win. On top of all his obvious gifts, the Right Reverend apparently possesses the singular ability to see the good in exiled Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli. Masoli, an all-Pac 12 performer last year, was thrown off the Ducks' team after amassing a police jacket only slightly thinner than his playbook. "Let thee who has not sinned cast the first stone . . . " Nutt says. We get it, particularly since no one on Nutt's roster can throw the stone nearly as well as Masoli. So quicker than you can say altar call, Nutt has him a quarterback. What Ole Miss now needs is a mascot. How about something to honor their coach. The Self-Promoting Hypocrites has a certain ring. (Bulletin: Maybe they'll need a quarterback after all. Citing the Oh-Come-On! clause in its bylaws, the NCAA denied Masoli's transfer, and Ole Miss announced its appeal Tuesday afternoon. Since Masoli clearly came to Oxford for its graduate school, the Expats wish him a rich and rewarding year in the classroom.)

Bobby Johnson walked. Texas A&M didn't.

Let's welcome the SEC's newest support group: ABBA. The teams that ALL BUT BEAT ALABAMA. Charter members include Auburn, LSU and Tennessee. The newly formed Board of Directors is considering an out-of-town membership for Texas. The one hang-up: Texas wants to be paid -- big! -- to join.

Meetings start with an official club song. "The Whines of Texas ("wah, Colt's arm, wah wah")" joins a three-verse chorus from the SEC schools.
Tennessee: "He took off his helmet . . . We Wuz Robbed."
LSU: "His feet were in bounds . . .We Wuz Robbed."
Auburn: "How do you spell robed? We Had 'Em Whupped."

The other day on ESPN Radio, Colin Cowherd -- the man who said in a straight voice that Lane Kiffin would be good for USC because he was cut from the same cloth as Nick Saban -- tried to make the case that the SEC is no longer the bell cow of college football, that it and the Big 10 are 1 and 1A. He didn't mention the ACC, which its fans have reminded us, has 37 teams in the pre-season Top 25.

To make his point, Cowherd used the analogy of rock bands. The SEC is the British Invasion. The Big 10 is the American bands.
So the SEC/Brits have the Beatles and Stones (Florida and Alabama). But the Big 10/American bands have more depth, and he listed the Allmans, Aerosmith, The Animals . . . His engineer interrupted -- the Animals were British. OK, Cowherd said, there's The Police. Sorry, Brits again. AC/DC? He asked. Aussies, the engineer said.

Case opened. Case closed. There's a lot of good music out there. There's a lot of good college football. But there's only one SEC. The Expats are glad to be back as the conference goes for its fifth BCS title in five tries. Join us. As usual, ACC schools are welcome.

But you'll need to show your IDs at the door.