Thursday, September 30, 2010

Who ya got? Week 5

Traditionally, the first weekend of October is hog-killing time -- when the air turns just cool enough to do the nasty work needed to be done before winter. The same can be said about the SEC -- the serious culling of the conference teams begins in earnest this week, with this caveat: The two schools wielding knives in Tuscaloosa Saturday night could have one more crack at each other in December.

Otherwise, many of the conference schools have scheduled breathers. And struggling Georgia, with A.J. Green back in the lineup, hopes to finally catch its breath in a 6,000-foot visit to Colorado. Woof Woof or Wheeze Wheeze?


Florida at Alabama Let's boil this down to a lowest common denominator. Assuming all else is equal, and assuming that each team stops what its opponent most wants to do . . . that would turn the game into a one-on-one between John Brantley and Greg McElroy. Me, too. Tide, 24-13.

Kentucky at Ole Miss Before last week, Kentucky was alive with hope and Ole Miss was deader than a first-term Democrat. What say we now? How about: Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est? Rebs, 24-21.

Georgia at Colorado Mark Richt takes his team to Boulder where Colorado will honor its 1990 National Champions, coached by Bill McCartney, who far eclipses even Richt in the public practice of his faith. Unfortunately, both coaches had problems keeping their players on the straight and narrow. Sunday school lessons can wait in Athens. First, Georgia wants to win a game. Pray harder, boys. Buffs, 28-17

Tennessee at LSU Tennessee has no players and an inexperienced coach. LSU has no offense, no quarterback, very little coaching . . . and Patrick Peterson. In other words, it's a mismatch. Tigers 24-6

La-Monroe at Auburn Cameron Newton's one-man show gets more good reviews. Tigers. 42-7

Vandy-UCONN Big East has something to yell about. But hold it down, will you? It's Vanderbilt, for goodness sake. Huskies 24-17

Alcorn State at MSU State always plays a tough schedule, and this is the only softie left on the schedule -- besides Ole Miss, of course. Bullies, 35-10

Now who you got?

MG

Tommy T.:

Florida at Alabama: I've been telling Gordon all year that Bama will lose three times before the season is up. I even had them figured out: At South Carolina, against Auburn and then a bowl game (assuming, of course, that they play somebody from the Mountain West). The Tide almost got an early start last week at Arkansas, but Ryan Mallett's wayward arm saved them.* I don't think Florida is a tougher opponent this year, especially with Bama at home. But beware next week in Columbia. Tide, 27-21.

*If I'm an NFL scout, I'd be drooling over Mallett's arm... but I'd also be wondering about not just those late INTs, but how he whined his way through the fourth quarter. I don't think he did himself any favors in that game.

Tennessee at LSU: LSU has Patrick Patterson and you don't. Some weeks, that's enough. Tigers, 23-10.

Georgia at Colorado: The descent continues. I read somewhere this week that Mark Richt could go to UNC (replacing Butch Davis) and both schools would be happy. I'm not ready to jettison Richt just yet... but ask me again in December. Buffs, 21-12.

Kentucky at Ole Miss: I don't have any idea and you don't either. Ackbars, 36-30.

UConn 29, Vandy 21

Miss. State 37, Alcorn State 13

Auburn 56, La.-Monroe 3

9 comments:

J said...

It’s been a rough week. I hurt my knee bowling, did a lousy job picking SEC games, and had a physical. (All men over 40 understand why that automatically makes it a bad day.) And now, I’m running out of clever, smart-@$$ things to say in the monologue before picking games. And oh yeah, the Mediterranean diet, inspired by the doc’s tongue-lashing, starts this weekend. Goodbye wings & cheese sticks, hello almonds & cashews and pita bread dipped in olive oil. But it could be much worse – I could be a Vandy grad.

Florida at 'Bama – Greg McElroy is the David Hasselhoff of sports. DH is an average actor who kept lucking into roles that made him a fortune. McElroy is the OK QB that has just happened to be on unbeatable teams since the 8th grade. DH couldn’t keep his luck running on Dancing with the Stars. McElroy keeps his going. The Evil Empire 31, Gators 28

Vanderbilt at Connecticut – There is an actual pulse in Nashville. By Monday the corpse is declared alive. Vandy 20, UConn 17

Kentucky at Misipi – Kentucky looks like a world-beater until getting drilled by the Gators. Rebels lose at home to Jacksonville St and Vandy but beat the high-powered Fresno offense. Your guess is as good – and probably better – than mine. Misipi 28, Randall Cobb 24

Alcorn State at Misipi State – I would call this the Who Cares game of the week after Ron Green Jr., but that’s not totally accurate. So I’ll call it the “Only Trent Roberts Cares” game of the week. Misipi St 41, Alcorn St 7

Georgia at Colorado – AJ Green returns in time to face a weak team changing conferences. Big Ol’ Hairy Dawgs 35, Westbound Buffaloes 24

Tennessee at LSU – UT is lucky UAB has no kickers. LSU has a kicker, and a better defense. LSU 24, Vols 7

Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn – Call it the “Only J Cares” game of the week. In the Chizik Era, these extremely inferior teams tend to pile up points & yards, just not enough. We never completely blow them out. WAR EAGLE 47, ULM 31

Anonymous said...

LSU fans smell like corn dogs

Michael said...

J,

No need wasting energy swinging at imaginary fences: Your comments have never been that clever!!

MG :)

Bonnie Kunkel said...

Florida will beat Alabama on Saturday. Why? Because despite what you've read and heard, Alabama just isn't that good and Florida isn't so bad. Oh, and Trey Burton is like Bugs Bunny in the baseball skit.. "Trey Burton at QB.. Trey Burton at WR.. Trey Burton at TE..." No, Brantley is no Tebow but he is getting better every week and it finally looks like the offense is settling into its rhythm. And when Florida beats Bama it will drive Mike Gordon crazy and that makes me smile :)
Gators 28, Bama 24

Michael said...

Aw, Lady Lizard makes her debut. Welcome. Her record for the season goes to 0-1.

Bud said...

We'll all be watching on Saturday night because this game is what we've been waiting for. At this point you have to say FL & Bama are still the 2 best teams in the conference. I agree with Bonnie that Florida is better than they've looked. That makes them good enough to beat the point spread but still not good enough to beat Bama in Bama. Tide 27-24

Georgia finally gets win # 2 even though they have to go to Colorado to do it. Unfortunately beating the Buffs doesn't help their 0-3 conference record. We're still two games worse than MS, KY and TN in the SEC. Oh woe is us. GA 24-10.

KY and Ole Miss go tailspin to tailspin with the loser challenging UGA for the SEC's worst record. Both are legitimate contenders for the bottom but I'll go with the home team. MS 21-14.

TN will not tarnish its perfect SEC record by upsetting the Tigers in Louisiana. TN goes to 0-2, setting up a Death Match with UGA next weekend in Athens. LSU 27-7.

Vandy goes to the Big East where they should feel more comfy than in the SEC with all those public schools. Vandy does the conference proud (sort of) with a 24-23 victory.

Why are Auburn and MS St still playing non-conference patsies in October? I'm assuming they will both win easily.

Bonnie Kunkel said...

Um.. what I meant to say is that Alabama IS that good and Florida IS that bad. (light sobbing)
Congratulations, Mr. Gordon

Michael said...

Ms. Bonnie is always welcome here, particularly when she offers congratulations.

I suspect if we are both lucky enough to reach Atlanta, it will be a much closer game.

J said...

MG - You are acting far too much like your coach. If you keep feigning worry about your team like this, you're gonna need an ennema every day, like your coach does.

And my comparison of McElroy to Hasselhoff is EXTREMELY clever. You just hate that it's your QB I'm taking a shot at. :-) But don't worry; I'll start taking more shots at Tomlinson as his team descends into oblivion.