Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Et Tat-too, Buck Eye?

In its endless pursuit of a bowl win against an SEC team, THE Ohio State University has often shot itself in THE foot, kicked itself in THE seat of THE pants, tied itself in knots . . . THE result: THE Ofer THE Ohio State wears against the likes of Alabama, LSU, Florida and South Carolina.

Appropriately, TOSU has NOW broken new ground in the annals of self-mutilation: It is THE first school to turn ''a shot in the arm" into a bad thing.

Many of THE team's best players, including quarterback Terrelle Pryor, are under investigation for possibly trading autographs for free tattoos and other favors. It's unclear at this point if they will be allowed to suit up for THE Sugar Bowl Game in New Orleans against Arkansas. THE Buckeyes are 0-9 against SEC teams in THE post-season -- including National Championship blowout losses to Florida and LSU, and THE ultimate ignominy of back-to-back losses to South Carolina (THE Cocks' only two bowl wins EVER).

In Arkansas, TOSU is facing one of THE country's hottest teams and one of college football's best quarterbacks, Ryan Mallett. And, of course, as most Buck fans are always happy to point out, THE Ohio State is playing a road game on an SEC field (on which they were pummeled by LSU). THE irony of it all.

THE lesson to all of this: Always insist on a clean needle AND always get a receipt.

Script Ohio, indeed.

MG

5 comments:

J said...

MG, this is one of THE best posts of the year.

I grew up an hour west of THE Ohio State University, and THE smugness, THE "I'm better than you because I went to OSU" attitude of alums, and THE regular over-rating of their sports teams drove me to root for THE University of Michigan. Until I saw THE Bo fellow, of course.

I expect THE Sugar Bowl to be THE 10th loss to an SEC team for them.

Michael said...

Thank you, young sir.

Too great a story to pass up. Besides, this blog has been comatose for a while. Time to start building toward Jan. 10.

George said...

The gloves are off: These allegations are fightin' words. Shall we re-visit the many, many, many sins of THE Tide over many, many, many years, including the two most recent ones involving Saban's roster manipulation + his bogus dismissal of four players.

As for on-the-field, no doubt OSU's 0-9 bowl record against the SEC is a huge embarrassment. That cannot be argued. But the Buckeyes have never lost a game - home or away - to the likes of Northern Illinois or Louisiana Monroe.

George from Ohio.

Michael said...

Just to liven things up: Here's the reaction of my best friend George, who had his blood dyed because it wasn't quite the same hue as THE colors of TOSU.

My response follows


The gloves are off: These allegations are fightin' words.

Shall we re-visit the many, many, many sins of THE Tide over many, many, many years, including the two most recent ones involving Saban's roster manipulation + his bogus dismissal of four players.

As for on-the-field, no doubt OSU's 0-9 bowl record against the SEC is a huge embarrassment. That cannot be argued.

But the Buckeyes have never lost a game - home or away - to the likes of Northern Illinois or Louisiana Monroe.


Georgie,

1. Is it your assertion that TOSU is a paragon of virtue? I didn't think so.
2. If it's possible to have an hysterically funny NCAA violation, this is it. Where's your sense of humor? Oh, I forgot, O-9.
3. This is an SEC Blog. TOSU is our favorite whipping post.
4. O-9. Did I already mention 0-9? Sorry, I didn't mean to keep mentioning O-9.

Bama Brother said...

IF these were normal times and normal people were involved, I would be able to quiet things down by saying "Gentlemen, gentlemen!" and going on from there. But in these circumstances, I would have better luck with Rooster Cogburn.