Friday, September 23, 2011

Who Ya Got? Week 4

Two big games, finally, kick the SEC schedule into gear this week -- none bigger than the Red on Red affair Saturday afternoon in Tuscaloosa.

For sheer gothicness, though. you'd be hard-pressed to find a deeper dive into the archetypes than the moonlight battle between LSU and West Virginia in Morgantown.

Alabama and LSU should survive. But as little as we still know about Nick Saban's current squad, he thinks he has something special. OK, show us. As former Alabama All-American Forrest Gump might put it, "Special is as special does."

Now let's open up this week's box of chocolates.

Arkansas at Alabama

Simple game, really. Arkansas has the better offense, Alabama controls the D. The winner will be the team that better plays to its strength. Of course, there are wrenches galore -- what if Arkansas forces the Tide to throw? What if Alabama's young quarterbacks live up to their billing? Arkansas under Bobby Petrino is still chasing that first truly big win. This would be it. But Alabama will make the visitors earn it. And the Hogs, with key injuries, just aren't quite good enough to get her done. Tide, 24-17

LSU vs. West Va.

In Baton Rouge, they howl at the moon for the fun of it. In Morgantown, the baying comes from a deeper spot. The Mountaineers have one of the best crowds in all of college football. And given the pre-season embarrassments brought on by their current and former head coaches, there has to be the feeling among the faithful that the program's prominence is slipping away. Don't be surprised if the home team defends its turf with a last-stand desperation. That will work for a quarter. And then listen as the baying grows faint. Tigers, 27-12.

Florida at Kentucky

With Alabama coming to Gainesville next week, this matchup, and millions more like it, explain the popularity of the term "trap game." If only Kentucky could play a lick, but it can't, so we're spared cliche abuse for another week. Gators, 30-10.

Georgia at Mississippi

If Mark Richt wants to truly experience the charms of the hot seat, let him lose to Houston Nutt's train wreck in Oxford. I'm sure the Right Reverend would be happy to give up his chair, were he not chained to it. Georgia better take heed. This is a Dawg team that speaks with a straight face about still getting to Atlanta, but it's also a team strung together with duct tape. And its way past time for Aaron Murray to play up to his press packet. Georgia, 21-17

Vanderbilt at South Carolina

With Auburn's loss last week, the Gamecocks cemented their spot as the most suspect undefeated team in America. Something is truly amiss with Steve Spurrier's squad, which despite all its returning talent, has turned into a one-trick pony. Marcus Lattimore is actually a horse who performs a pretty good trick, and South Carolina gets the surprising Commodores at home. USC, 24-14

Florida Atlantic at Auburn

A truly awful team has come to the rescue of the Tigers at just the right time. This game should be over after one quarter. If it's not, whoa boy. Calling Icon the Entertainer AU, 45-14.

La Tech at MSU

A deceptively tough team hits Starkville just when the Bulldogs may be at their weakest emotional point of the Mullen Regime. State thought it was big time. Auburn and LSU showed them they are not. This one wears a blinking yellow light. Bullies, 35-21.



Anonymous said...

It's great to have SEC football games to talk about. Much better than the eminent birth of the "super-conferences," the eminent death of the "super-conferences" concept, the local talking heads trying with all their might to make us think that the ACC is more relevant to the national sports scene than Major League Soccer, or sideline reporters getting tongue-tied and calling the U of Cincinnati head coach a female dog instead of Butch. (Oh, yeah, that rumor that the SEC wants an NC team to be the 14th member? WHATEVER!)

As for the games...

Ar-Kansas at ‘Bama – Is ‘Bama more flawed than we thought, or just bored from lack of competition? Were the Pigs bored by playing Troy or are they not the vaunted offense we thought they were? Petrino will call offensive plays and miss the results of half of them while contemplating the greatness of himself. Saban will show the effects of not having a bowel movement since halftime of the North Texas game. This oughta be good.

It is a truly historic week. I’m rooting for ‘Bama. I hate Bobby Petrino that much. The Evil Empire 27, Pigs 24

Florida at Kentucky – How did Florida pull this scheduling off? Four weeks in and only one legitimate football team. That alarm clock in Tuscaloosa is gonna be loud. Lizards 41, Briars 3

Georgia at Misipi – The Wrong Reverend is done, and this slow death is painful to watch. Now let’s hear a public service announcement for all UGA fans and grads. This is only a test. If this had been an actual football team, ya wouldn’t have looked this good. Be advised that a real opponent is coming to Athens next week. Big Ol’ Hairy Dawgs 31, Misipi 14

Vanderbilt at South Carolina – All Vandy fans – both of them – are geeked up about the 3-0 start. Too bad they haven’t played any football teams yet. Lattimore provides the loudest alarm clock possible. Fightin’ Chickens 27, Vandy 7

LSU at West Virginia – WVU begs the ACC, then the SEC, to take them in. Both tell WVU to pound sand. All 50,000 West Virginia residents who are literate enough to get to Morgantown get all lathered up and ready for battle. The ones who haven’t passed out from the adult beverages pack up and head out at halftime. LSU 34, WVU 13

Louisiana Tech at Misipi State – The “Who Cares Game of the Week.” Misipi St 28, La Tech 3

Florida Atlantic at Auburn – So the Pixie dust ran out in Clemson. It was going to happen eventually. Better it happened in a non-conference game, with a junior varsity team to use as recovery before headed to Columbia. The home team wins the “Who Cares Besides J and the St. Onge Family Game of the Week.” WAR EAGLE 45, FAU 21

Michael said...

J, you sir are an original.

Bud said...

I know a lawyer in Athens who is right now driving with 2 friends to the game in Oxford. It sounds like the beginning of a joke -- "Two lawyers and a judge from Georgia drive to Mississippi for a football game" -- but that's as far as I've gotten with it. Like MG said, this is a Dawg team that's still talking about having a great season. We Dawg fans have been hearing for several years now about how good our team is GOING TO BE, but so far they keep getting worse. I would advise anyone going to Vegas to take Ole Miss and points, but surely the Dawgs can beat the Miserable Nutt -- can't they?????

Michael said...

Bud, I continue to admire your willingness to experience legitimate suffering. This may suck for now. but I'm sure it will have big benefits later in life.

Bud said...

This just in from the Atlanta Journal: “I feel the pressure every day when I wake up,” Nutt said. “There hasn’t been much sleep lately.” The thought of a Sleepless Nutt on top of the normally Excitable Nutt is downright scary. The play calling could be erratic.