Don't be such a Bama

The Washington-Baltimore axis, the cultural touchstone that has given us the West Wing, the Wire and Joe Wilson, has apparently long been the center of an interesting colloquialism: a Bama.

My wife, who regularly works in suburban D.C., heard the term for the first time on her current trip. A kid she's known for years dropped it in a sentence that went something like this: Don't be so Bama. Asked for a translation, he said, "You know, a Bama, a loser." He called it a "Baltimore-Washington thang."

So I turned to another B-W thang, that would be Tonya Jameson of the Observer staff. She grew up in Maryland and, like me, graduated from Alabama. She said the expression has been around since she was a kid, 20 to 25 years ago. To her, again in that Baltimore-Washington thang sense, Bama means more country or rube-like. Like a Spelling Bee contestant handed an unfamiliar word, I asked for the derivation. "Baltimore-Washington thang," she said. Then I asked her to use it in a sentence. "That's some serious Bama stuff," she offered, except she didn't offer stuff.

Peter St. Onge, who married into a 47-generation Auburn family, listened to the exchange and piped up. "I promise we don't use the word at home." Translation: We can't wait to start.

With similar abuse pending, I've decided my best defense is a syllabus of alternate meanings for other SEC team. I hope I don't violate any Baltimore-Washington sensibilities. The rest of you, I could give a rip. Let's begin:

An Auburn: a noun/adjective that describes an unnatural obsession with another person, group, or, here's a real stretch, football team. Sentence: "You're telling people my son cheated because he made a better grade than Billy? Can you be more Auburn?"

A Georgia: Prone to exaggerate and yap about individual exploits. In other words, the compulsion to emotionally lick oneself. Sentence: Steve, you should be proud about getting everybody's lunch order right. But drop the Georgia, it's hurting morale.

A Tennessee: A tendency to shoot off one's mouth, lacking the ability to back any of it up. Sentence: Sources close to the Alamo negotiations say a truce was about to be signed when Crockett stormed in the room and went Tennessee all over Santa Anna."

A Florida: An unnatural assortment of unpleasant personalities who underachieved somewhere else now united and a need to act out; alcohol or other substances often involved. Sentence:
Sheesh, this prison yard turned Florida in a hurry.

There are others of course. Just keep them reasonably clean.

It's an SEC Expats thang.
Michael Gordon


P.S., 2:15 p.m. - Peter St. Onge: Although it's surely self-affirming for a Bama fan to think Auburn folks have an unnatural interest in his school, a look at any Tide or Tiger message board would indicate that Alabama folks share an equally passionate interest in Auburn. It's called a "rivalry."

So let's make one addition to Mr. Gordon's syllabus:

An Alabama: A person who was once popular and thinks everyone still cares as much as they used to.