Friday, September 11, 2009

Week 2: Who ya got?

This week the SEC starts intraconference play, a/k/a cousin-on-cousin violence; Tennessee wanders outside the league for a big-boy game; Alabama and Florida take little kids' lunch money; and Ole Miss, Arkansas and Kentucky decide it's already time for a week off.

Michael Gordon

UCLA at Tennessee: Battle of the Ken dolls in Pumpkinland. Monte and the Vol defense bring the heat, with just enough BTUs to allow Ken 2.0 to slip by. And his hair was perfect. 24-20 Vols.

USC at Georgia: Another Beatles' song, Nowhere Man, sums up the offenses in this one. Home crowd carries Georgia the extra yard. 17-14, Dawgs.

Vandy-LSU: Tigers still feasting on too many cupcakes to shed pounds after their out-of-shape performance against Washington. This week's dessert, the SEC's traditional snack food. Who's making coffee? 24-7, Tigers.

MSU at Auburn: Last year's thrilling World Cup match . . . Never mind. Both coaches responsible for the 3-2 fiasco are gone, allowing Auburn and Miss. State to start their SEC schedules on a fresh note, or as least as fresh as two ag schools can muster. Barnyard (Alabama chapter) 24; Barnyard (Mississippi chapter) 16.

Troy vs. Florida: The Men of Troy go into the Swamp to do battle with the Chosen One. Wrong men. Wrong Troy. Same Florida. 55-14, the Chomps.

FIU vs. Alabama: If Mike Shula were coach, the combination of too many headlines and too many cases of swine flu would have Tide fans sweating the outcome. No sweat this time. No letdown either. 44-7 Alabama.

R. Trentham Roberts

Tennessee-UCLA: Two games in, Lane Kiffin gets a chance to define his program. Having his daddy run the defense is going to get him there that much quicker. Tennessee 28, UCLA 10.

Georgia-South Carolina: Both teams looking to run the hurry-up offense, as in they better hurry up and find some. Down the stretch, it's Spurrier by a nose. USC 17, Georgia 14.

LSU-Vanderbilt: Tigers need to pipe down about the tough turnaround from going out to Washington and back. Hey, Central Arkansas had to spend the weekend in Hawaii and you don't hear THEM complaining. Vanderbilt 24, LSU 23.

Auburn-Mississippi State: Last year's 3-2 epic was the ugliest, most entertaining game I saw all year. Relive the magic for yourself:

More points this time around, both style and scoreboard. Auburn 20, Mississippi State 16.

Florida-Troy and Alabama-Florida International: They're probably already looking ahead to the big conference showdown. So are we. October 19: Troy at FIU. in the meantime ... Florida 56, Troy 3 and Alabama 35, FIU 13.

Courtney St. Onge

Florida 56, Troy 10 Tebow's crusaders might score a little less against what amounts to a high school varsity defense than it did against last week's jv. Or maybe more starters rest a little before the real season begins.

Alabama 42, FIU 6. (Holding my nose)

LSU 27, Vandy 14 The lesser Tigers didn't look great last week, but still ... Vandy.

Auburn 30, MSU 20. A ten-fold increase over last year's point total, thankfully.

UGA 24, SC 14. Gamecocks still looking for an offense. Joe Cox settles in a bit between the shrubs.

UT 28, UCLA 20. Berry and Co. rattle a young offense in Neyland.

Peter St. Onge

Tennessee-UCLA: Battle of the blow-dried Cali unlikeables. Tennessee 17, UCLA 13

Georgia-South Carolina: Woe to the school that faces a strong team after a poor opener. Georgia 27, USC 13.

LSU-Vanderbilt: See "woe/strong team/poor opener." LSU, 34-14.

Auburn-Mississippi State: Coaches spent week talking about how 37-point Auburn offensive effort was "too slow" last week. Giddy until shown otherwise. Auburn 33, MSU 24.

Florida-Troy: Florida 48, Troy 10.

Alabama-FIU: Alabama fan on this blog says he's nervous. I'm a Red Sox fan, so I get the whole paranoia thing. But still... Alabama 42, FIU 3.

Tommy Tomlinson

UCLA at Tennessee: Man, I want to pick UCLA here. But the real Kiffin -- Monte -- will have the UT D sufficiently fired up, and the Volunteer Navy deserves one moment of catharsis before heading into the vale of tears that is the conference schedule. UT, 27-20.

South Carolina at UGA -- Even in good years, this game requires half a bottle of Zantac. This year, neither team knows if it's any good. I'm not sure we'll know afterward either. UGA, 13-7.

Vandy at LSU: I see Mr. Roberts up above picked the Commodores. As the prophet David St. Hubbins once said: It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. LSU, 31-10.

Mississippi State at Auburn: Last year Auburn won 3-2 on a walk-off homer in the ninth. But this year, offenses UNLEASHED! Mississippi State, 4-3.

Troy at Florida: Some games should count for only half a win. Tebows, 63-7.

Florida International at Alabama: Crimson Tide is not even playing the best team in Miami. Then again, last week Florida didn't even play the best team in Charleston. Tide, 49-0.


R. Trentham Roberts said...

It's an honor to be associated with the likes of the true creative genius behind Spinal Tap. As he once observed of SEC fans in general, "Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported."

Anonymous said...

Tomlinson - I hope that 4-3 pick was a joke. Well, you should be in a jovial mood since your Dawgs are playing an ACC-caliber team this week. Auburn 21-17.

WAR EAGLE!!!!!!!!!!